My Dad

I wish I had a picture to put up here, but alas I don't.

I love my dad and my number 1 wish is that I could have had more time with him when I was a child.

My parents split up when I was 3 (i think) and then again when I was 5 or 6 (I think). My mother remarried a waste of space and then we moved to Germany. Growing up my mother's new husband wasn't a father figure to me at all. He and I never did anything together and at times when we were in Germany, there were upwards of 7 kids in the house (Heather, Me, Crystal, Misty, Kimberlee, Kevin, Cassi). Most of the time it was 5, but there was a period when it ballooned to 7. So growing up, I didn't have a father figure. The only things I knew about my dad were what my mom and my older sister told me. Most of which was "he hasn't paid child support yet this month or if he cared more he would call/write you".

As I grew up I had problems. I wish I could go into them here, but those types of problems aren't fit for a public forum. Sometimes I like to think that I wouldn't have had those problems if I would have had a father figure around to remind me what was right and what was wrong. I love my mom very much, but there were times when she over-emphasized certain wrongs and under-emphasized others.

When I became old enough, I married and we moved to Arizona. My dad lived in Arizona. Everytime I think of the times that I lived in Arizona from about 1997 on, I think of the song Cat's in the Cradle. I was only living 5 miles from him and yet I couldn't find time to go over there and spend time with him.

Since then, my dad has always been there for me. Not questioning my life/career choices, but rather supporting everything I do. We have a hard time talking on the phone, that's why it was tough to call him last night. I think one of my best memories was when my dad took me to see the Arizona Diamondbacks on the Sunday after their first game in existence. It was my birthday and the Dbacks won, their first win ever. My dad and I are happy just watching a sporting event together, enjoying a frosty beverage. No words have to be exchanged.

It's a weird relationship we have. If I ever end up moving back to Arizona, I've made promises to myself that I will make a conscience effort to spend more time with him. I only wish I could have spent that time when I needed it most.